I did it. I survived yet another glorious outing with all 5 of my little Tasmanian devils (without assistance from another adult). The boys have been 3 days without #1 accidents, we need food, and I needed a break from the house… so off we went to Sam’s. Needless to say, it was quite the adventure. I thought I’d share some of the happenings with you… might give you a good afternoon laugh.
Leaving the house
Me: …and we’re off!
Dylan: (screaming) puppy! puppy! puppy!
Me: (turns the car around and retrieves puppy) …and we’re off!
Jaylin: Did you remember your Sam’s card?
Me: (turns the car around and retrieves card) …and we’re off!
Gas light: Hey! I’m on and pretty sure you’ve been ignoring me.
Me: (turns the car around and into the gas station) …and we’re off, for real!
Me: Last time I was here I was approved for a Sam’s Club credit card, but I haven’t received one in the mail… how do I use it?
CS: Oh, you probably thought it was junk mail and threw it away. You can’t use it today.
Me: I always open my mail, but maybe. (prays my bank card works)
Man: Hey there, how’s your day going?
Me: (Dylan is half-in, half-out of the cart… dangling and flopping around like a lunatic, Roman is screaming, the other 3 are hiding in the boxes) Not too good sir.
Man: (chuckles loudly)
Me: That’s not helpful.
Man: (chuckles louder)
Sample Giver: Here kids have a sample of salad.
Me: This won’t end well.
Boys: (spit salad on floor)
Me: Tried to tell you, got a napkin?
Sample Giver: (heavy sigh, hands over napkins)
Roman: (removes penis from his pants in the cereal aisle)
Me: Roman! Wait! We’re almost to the potty!
Sam’s employee: Please don’t let your son pee on the floor, I’m the one who’ll have to clean it up.
Me: Um, ok. That’s never our goal, so…
Me: (shouting into the men’s restroom) Boys! Please don’t pee on the walls!
Man exiting bathroom: They’re ok; they’re sharing a stall.
Me: Boys! Please don’t pee on each other!
Boys: (exit bathroom in all out sprint) That was fun! (uncontrollable laughter)
Here’s hoping that lady that has to clean pee accidents from the cereal aisle doesn’t also have to clean the men’s restroom. If so, sorry lady. And on that note, I’m off to find a corner of my house to hide in until Micah gets home from work… Have a fun weekend!